Learning to Move Forward

The process of moving on and letting go seems almost impossible. How do you just get over what’s been done to you? In a way, I’m not sure you ever truly can. A part of it will always be with you. I feel, though, that you need to learn to let go as much as you can and then take what’s left and use that for good. Here’s some tips I have (from my own experience) for doing that:

 

In letting go, I think the number one thing you must do for yourself is to first accept what happened. Burying it deep within you will never really solve anything, it’ll only fester and slowly tear you apart inside. As excoriatingly hard as it is, you must be able to face it in order to move on. It is by far the hardest step to take. If you can do that, then you’ve already conquered the biggest obstacle! But like any good garden that has become overgrown with weeds, you have to spend the time pulling every last stubborn plant out. Finding someone to talk to will be a major help for you. It doesn’t have to be a therapist – try calling your local Domestic Violence shelter or the National Hotline. They are always available, free and well trained. If you can, talking to a friend or family member can be quite relieving too. This time is going to be difficult, you will need to have a strong support system. With them, it’ll never be as hard as it seems. Mine kept me grounded and strong in my most darkest hours, I really don’t know what I would’ve done without them. Find yours! They will be your lifesavers. Also, if you had old passions and hobbies that were kicked to the side, pick them back up! Discover new hobbies and interests, experience the fun that life can bring. Finding these small but supremely beneficial things will help keep you positive and revitalized during your healing process.

 

Next, learning to turn your horrible experience into a positive outcome can be tricky, but if you think you’re up for it there’s so much you can do! Sometimes it can feel like you’re all alone and no one understands or can help. Unfortunately, many other people are feeling the same. Abuse is a horrible cycle and it only seems to be getting worse. Volunteering at my local DV shelter helped me heal so much. I saw these broken and troubled women come to the shelter and I was able to share with them my story and we were able to bond and truly help one another. Sometimes knowing that what you went through can be enough to help another person overcome their own tragedy can mean everything. In some way, it’ll make it feel like some good was able to come from it and it’ll help you move on a little more as well. Sadly you’ll probably have friends and family who will go through something similar as well – talk to them! Let them know they aren’t alone because that can be the worst part. You shouldn’t have to be a victim of your abuser, you should be a survivor. A person who went through something so traumatic and came out stronger and better afterwards. You can still take back your life and even be greater than before! I’ve seen it so many times, I hope to count you in as another.

 

Writing poetry and painting were my most helpful outlets. Here’s one of my poems that I wrote during my healing process. Hope you enjoy!

If wishes could be bought

For a pretty penny and a little soul

I think I would keep on walking

And save what’s left of me now

 

I could wish to turn back the clock

To teach myself how to let go

But then the triumph of true victory

Would be lost to me forever

 

What is there to be done now

The past has already come and gone

All I can do is learn to move on

Instead of dwelling like I have

 

You hurt me in ways unimaginable

Scarred me past the point of repair

I escaped with barely anything left

And I still feel you feeding off me

 

For so long I held resentment

A bitter blackness inside my heart

Tainting all my other actions

Whether intended to or not

 

My created Black Plague

Has served me no purpose

The time has come to do the impossible

And allow my heart to forgive

 

I don’t want to thank you

For lessons learned or battles won

I simply want to forgive and forget

And look forward to a new tomorrow

 

I see you have done the same

As hard as it is I wish you well

I hope you find the happiness

Like what I’ve found now

 

So much in my life to smile for

To make me realize my ignorance

To oversee such blessings

Due to past unchangeable damages

 

Goodbye to you and my sorrows

I think I can finally see the light

I look forward to my future now

To accepting and even loving my past